Life/Death?

Well I'm new to this whole blogging thing, but figured I needed away to vent or express thoughts that bog up my head each day that I may not always feel able to share in person. God knows so many thoughts or ideas run through my brain each day that it gets backed-up regularly. LOL

I really was taken back by Corey Haim dying. I was so routing for the underdog to come out from under the rough patches in his life and be victorious. It's such a waste of a talented actor whose past abuse, health problems and anxiety opened up the doors for prescription addiction. It's during these times that you begin to reflect on your own mortality and the frailness of it. Of course it also makes you ponder your life and how you want your legacy to be portrayed as well.

I've always been afraid of death. I never ever had a positive experience with it. My mother is so ready to meet her maker that she remarks on it time and time again which rather disturbs me to no end. I've told her that repeatedly, nevertheless when situations get tough she reiterates on how she wishes the Lord would take her. I know I would be devastated if anything happened to any of my remaining family. So her lightheartedness really hurts me at times; to think it would be so easy for her to leave us all behind struggling and hurting with such loss.

My biggest fear has always been something happening to my son. I'm sure alot of mothers out there know what I'm talking about. It all starts at pregnancy; the bad dreams, the nightmares of something happening to your baby. It never stops for me. Granted the horrific nightmares slowed down and now that my son Aidan is 7 yrs old, perhaps it happens once a month. I've never really stopped being overprotective of my once preemie baby. I can't help but in this day and age to be OVER-SENSITIVE & CAREFUL. Especially when children can't even walk down to a neighbor's house without being abducted and/or killed. I won't ever, ever.. apologize for being so hands on and protective of Aidan. Though I'm one of those ppl who care way to much what others think, that is one trait that I'll be OKAY with!

Anyways this thought process all started with a tragedy that happened yesterday and my reaction caught others by surprise. This guy is an actor, you don't know him, you've never even met him. Here's my thought, I watched this boy grow into a man on the big screen. He was with me making me laugh or cry in my teenage years (Lost boys, Lucas). I had the biggest crush for years and when the local boys in my life were crappy he was the fantasy. I know no one's life is perfect and certainly his was not, but I was drawn to his charm and wit. I saw the reality show of the The Corey's and they let us into their daily struggle and everyday routines. I know realistically I did not "KNOW" him, but I felt I did. I wanted his story to have a happy ending. Someone who could come out of this terrible addiction and turn his life around. Robert Downey Jr. did it, why couldn't the others. We've lost to many talented people searching for peace, freedom, a way out, a temporary reprieve...whatever their reason for abusing drugs may have been. I was hoping this would not be his end as well.

The surprise death of Corey has definitely made me appreciate those around me. My husband, my son, my family and friends. Don't ever let the sun go down without telling those who are dear to you that you love them or go to bed angry. I'm thankful for everyday God gives me with others to share, to learn and even grow with and from.